I love it when a book reads just like a movie. Have courage and always be kind. In between building A where they were supposed to deliver, or they were preparing for the sermon or the speech and building B, where they were going to deliver the sermon or speech, the researchers intentionally planted someone in the middle. Obviously in need, doubled over in pain, because they wanted to know what the people who are actively thinking about compassion, in fact, about to go tell a story, a parable of talking about kindness. And then every week, we also write out like publicly in our communication channel. And one of the things that has been on my mind, and I know on the minds of many of our listeners of this program, any of our clients here at Growing Self who have parents—parents—children rather, is particularly in the life space that kids are growing in right now, where so many of their interactions are through video, if at all. Dr. Gary Chapman has the amazing book Five Love Languages, where he talks about this idea that we give and receive love in different ways. by Disney Press, Have Courage, Be Kind: The Tale of Cinderella. So if I can change this 1% to be more compassionate, more kind, more directed at this thing that feels like a problem in our world of which there are many. And so to have that framework to know that, well, I might feel most loved when someone's complimenting me or affirming me. What would be the confetti kindness? The train to life has left the station and thankfully I managed to hop on, albeit … We're influencing people in action, or in our choosing not to act. And very lastly, and kind of relatedly, and I know that this is a very big question, and so please don't feel like you need to give the alpha and omega of the final answer because big stuff here. Would they be more likely to stop and help? "Have courage, and be kind..." I received a lot of messages and emails about my "Farewell, Facebook" post, and I thought it would be appropriate to give a little bit of perspective on why I've bid that platform goodbye after twelve years. Caring stems from acting on your empathetic concern for others; you can offer to help someone in distress by providing choices so they can pick what best suits their needs. It requires disciplined pursuit, clarity, with consistency, with effort, and the cost of something. This was terribly cute, and the art was adorable. This was my grandpa. Taking exercise we have to grow into, choose our practice into, and this kid came to me, and we sat down together. And I was, “Yeah, I can do all the stuff that I want on my own, but how powerful it is to invite people into that process with you.” Because one of my favorite Dale Carnegie quotes is “People support the things they help build.” And the more that we create ownership together over an idea, the more likely that we're going to live into that idea. Like 45% of our day, they would say is habit. Menu Home; Mustard Seeds; Traveling Abroad; Contact; Mustard Seeds Independence & Identity. A pretty profound paradigm shift around what leadership meant. And there's a, “How can I help?” which puts it entirely in the corner of the other person. July 20, 2019 August 1, 2020 SamanthaMarie Leave a comment "All aboard!" This book is the perfect edition for Cinderella fans of all ages. This is another book that I could have easily read all in one sitting, but I wanted to savour it. Learn more about Houston and his work on his. Like there's different variations on the theme. That was the goal at least. And I had one of these bizarre experiences at least, I don't know if you've ever had this before, where you are in a moment where you know it's the last time you're going to be with a person. Whatever one feels most purposeful for you to dig into most consistently. She should never have stayed with them! It's how we allocate our most precious resource of attention. She befriends every animal she meets, including the scurrying mice living in the walls. Like I want the people at my school, to feel belonging, and acceptance, and love, like all the things that I crave. And I wanted to tell them, all the things I admired and respected about them. I try to do everything but I’m doing nothing very well. But I think it's also like language, right, paradigms. And they get to choose into the thing that allows them to most meet whatever needs they have in the moment. The skill of empathy is one that can be learned. It's actually something we're pretty innately born with, right? Well, and I love it, and that you're kind of partnering the idea of leadership with influence, and just the opportunity to influence people, and interactions, and things that you might not even be conscious of in the moment, in such a positive way. We can improve our emotional awareness by learning how to assess our feelings to understand others. Meaning I've listened to you in a way that recognizes, understands your needs. And at the summer camp, I heard this guy, his name's John. I love that idea… to get really clear around the big picture of values and priorities that supersede the stuff. Where did this come from? I think you describe it as this deep kindness. They call it in the study they call it rhetoric reality gap, which is to say, these are the things that we say or are saying are important. Like what does it effectively mean to leave people better than we found them? And that same guy, John, who I heard speak, we co-founded the organization. What we give our time to is what we value, whether we say it out loud or not. It’s certainly not been easy, and I wanted a fluffy blue elf to give some comfort. Dr. Lisa: Yeah, it makes me feels good to send a teddy bear. Dr. Lisa: That's wonderful. Although there were times where it was difficult to do so, Ella honored her mother's wishes. And I remember walking out of that camp feeling not only inspired, but equipped to go back to my school and say, ‘Okay, this is what it’s going to be about’. This is a book we loved, and one we'd highly recommend picking up! So they don't feel like they're being pitied. And then my grandpa got sick with stage four pancreatic cancer. We think about kindness as being outwardly focused on giving to others, and that's absolutely part of it. And I think we do that all the time, of well-intentioned kindness that doesn't actually meet or serve a legitimate need, because we want the quick win that our culture, I don't blame it directly, always on the individual. If I have too much to do, I'm so busy so that when I'm quote-unquote, listening, I'm not actually listening, I'm worried about the next thing that I'm supposed to be doing. FREE Shipping on orders over $25 shipped by Amazon. So I think, a practical strategy there, if you know someone who's going through something of any kind, emotionally, physically. I love this simple paradigm shift. And afterwards, the parent cleans up, and does the dishes, and put stuff away which is giving the student time to get to their other tasks, their homework, their work.” She goes, “And for some students, kindness, and it's still kindness to them, is the fact that their grandmother left some leftovers in the fridge when they get home from their second job.” Like, those are both actions of kindness. When we choose to have courage and be kind it makes the world a better place. On this episode of the podcast you'll learn how to get clear about your priorities and set healthy boundaries so you can (selectively!) Posted on February 24, 2019 by veebee - Articles. She's the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast. Have courage, and be kind. Every week, we had to meet someone new. And there's a ton of research on how, in fact, one of the more powerful stories I'd heard many years ago in a TED talk, and I've done deeper research around it in a time since, was a study in the 70s at Princeton Theological Seminary School. And so, people in response to tragedy want to be of service. Perspective-taking is an exercise that entails thinking about what a person needs based on their context. What we give our time to is what we value. Because when we were talking a bit ago, you talked about a kindness that often happens that is for the benefit of the giver. seems like we have the same lame sense of humour! Sometimes, the most influential person in a business and organization in school isn't the person with the biggest position or title. And we put a huge focus on the sort of the practical side of it. Houston: Which is well intentioned, right? And I think it's important that I don't want to holistically disqualify confetti kindness as a, quote-unquote, bad thing. Not ‘How was your day? is available via AHAthat. Dr. Lisa: Wow. Teddy bears. One is just like, “I'm going to do something to meet your need,” which is projecting what I think you need. One of my studies that frustrates me the most because it is so indicative of this gap comes from Harvard's Making Caring Common project. Compassion in Latin means to suffer with. But we don't collectively agree on what kindness is. Online relationship expert and licensed Florida Therapist, Roseann Pascale, M.S., LMFT is discussing intellectual humility and how practicing it can help you create happy, healthy relationships with the ones you love most. Because when we were talking a bit ago, you talked about a kindness that often happens that is for the benefit of the giver. Sharing, you would describe that feeling sharing. That's really great. Whether or not you need it, or wanted a teddy bear. I said, “Why did you do this?” He goes, “I realize I cared a lot. While we think about genuine kindness being dependent on our ability to have awareness and empathy for others, did you know that even more important is your ability to be self aware? And you can find all the information about that deepkindness.com. We need tools to talk about social and racial justice. Like what does it effectively mean to leave people better than we found them? Perfection. So often, we take them for granted because they are so commonplace and yet, they're sometimes the things that we need to be reminded of most frequently. And we put a huge focus on the sort of the practical side of it. Just I think it's dangerous to mistake it for the whole thing. But perhaps even on a more practical level, why I started the club itself was because of my experience with like student leadership. So, I got invited by a teacher. It started in high school when some friends and I got together, and we started a club called random acts of kindness, etc. And that's what we've discovered, it's not that kids don't want to do that, it's that they're just not often given the framework, or space, or challenge to know how to do that. Your email address will not be published. One of my favorite articles is from the Wall Street Journal. :). That is the reactionary nature, I think that part of the book tries to fight back against but nonetheless, here's this tragedy. That's part of the definitional paradigm shift I had was that everyone's a leader because everyone's influencing all the time, whether we want to or not. “I want to be kind. That wasn't a guarantee for everyone else's, and that's hard, right? But like, I'm still trying to wrap my mind around how you in high school, had such this well-developed sense of, “I'm going to be the sprinkler of love.” And I mean, just like thinking of myself in high school, the kid smoking cigarettes under the bleachers, and the black t-shirt like glaring at people, we can go different ways. Yeah, I don't think it is. From a comfort perspective, from a courage perspective, right? Makes me want to find the dvd and watch it again. She believes in the power of kindness, in changing customs that are not so kind. We have a huge range of SVGs products available. Both my parents lean compassionate, and I've learned a lot from both of them along the way. I'm so glad that you and I were able to connect today, and I know just on behalf of my listeners — thank you for all of the wonderful ideas that you've shared. Yeah, I like to attach some adjectives to the word as opposed to trying to define it out, because the book really spends, the whole book’s trying to define it. And a practical strategy if you're into this kind of thing is, you have a to-do list which we are, collectively as a society, I feel like, very drawn towards because checking things off is what culture tells us is a metric of love ability. Or a request to tell me “How I can help you with?” which also doesn't feel good. Do you have any insights, or thoughts even about how one can cultivate the ability for empathy inside of themselves? Because when I'm drowning, I don't want someone be like, “Hey, what do you think you need?”. Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby: This is Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, and you're listening to the Love, Happiness, and Success podcast. Wow. We can improve our emotional awareness of others by more accurately tapping into how we're feeling on any given day. We train educators on how to deliver our content in schools, and we were talking about kindness. I have watched the movie and really enjoyed it, but without the overall gorgeousness of it, it wasn't really as enjoyable. And very lastly, and kind of relatedly, and I know that this is a very big question, and so please don't feel like you need to give the alpha and omega of the final answer because big stuff here. Houston: Yeah, I mean, one of our sort of questions that we offer schools and families, it comes from a friend of mine, a guy named Keith Hawkins, who is a great speaker and spoken at lot of schools. When I know how you're feeling more accurately, I can better meet the needs to match that feeling. It's called “Are You As Busy As You Think?” And it begs us to change the way we think about time in our brain. The result can be mental and emotional depletion and disconnection from the self. Otherwise, here's a closer look at some of the life-changing tips that Houston and I discussed during our time together…, Houston talked about his early life experiences in discovering not just the power of kindness, but how to cultivate a culture of kindness in a community. And so those first ten, fifteen minutes are always dedicated to practical relationship building by giving and people prompts to talk about themselves, to talk with each other, to engage with each other, to get to know each other better. I mean, these are really big problems that we are all bearing witness to. And even in the way you think about… if you think about the classic ways we talk about kindness, that cheesy quotes are the things that get posted or shared. To do something to alleviate that suffering is the key ingredient. And sometimes the person who has who is a really effective leader aren't always using their influence for good, right? Those things are cultivated by a deep sense of understanding, listening. But the message of "have courage and be kind" resonates with me to this day. I mean, being in relationships with other humans where there's kind of a caring that goes back and forth. Particularly I think, is one person just kind of like observing what's happening to others. That is such a cool story. I lean on the thing that I see as most accessible. Empathetic concern is where my feelings and my perspective of you actually transform into kindness. It's a great story. Have Courage and Be Kind. It's a culture who tells us this is what we're supposed to do in response to tragedy or pain, or if I don't know what to do. I think you describe it as this deep kindness. Well, I'll be sure to keep in touch with you, and see what kinds of interesting things you guys all do going forward. I may or may not have watched it five or six times already since it came out on DVD. And he was in Maine, and I live in Los Angeles. What if I had to say, this is not my priority.” Because time is just simply a matter of how we prioritize. And then every week, we also write out like publicly in our communication channel. Yeah, an ongoing journey for sure. The reason is that without deep self awareness, we're all vulnerable to getting swept off the path of kindness by our own anxieties, self-absorption, or even “busy-ness.”. Profound tragedy, right? Like smiling at people? What are the things that I'm fearful of, that I don't always associate to the practice of kindness because sometimes, if I'm thinking about confetti kindness, those feel worlds apart. And I think that if we are not, all of us, engage with the conversation around race in our country right now, that is something where I think all of our to-be lists should have some focus on. I mean, people like, intense on the sidewalk, right? And it's that exercise of “What does this person need based on their life experience?” Not what I think they need based on mine, but what could they need based on their context, their life? Ella has faced unspeakable tragedy and loss, and is at the mercy of her cruel stepfamily. But the easy path drags everyone down. And also have accountability and structures in place. These are this is our version of a consistent to-be list. But even mean-welling things can do unconscious damage, and the unconscious damage I think we've done is… in the book, I say, “fluffified” kindness. Dr. Lisa: Well, let's talk then more about that concept — the deep kindness. There's lots of things that I can learn about you that helps me contextualize the reality of world. instead of asking, “How can I help?” provide them with even a very short menu — the shorter the better — menu of options. Would they be more likely to stop and help? And even in the way you think about… if you think about the classic ways we talk about kindness, that cheesy quotes are the things that get posted or shared.